Chapter 107: Jay's Poison

“First of all, the title of this song deeply offends me. If the songwriter truly loved me, well, I’d rather just give up!”
“Regarding the arrangement, the taste is utterly outdated. Whether it’s the drums or any other instrument, there’s this unmistakable vibe of a rustic-urban fringe. Of course, if you haven’t been exposed to more sophisticated music from home or abroad for a long time, you might not notice.”
“This song clearly imitates the style of Feilong Legend. When Feilong Legend first became popular, it was met with a barrage of criticism online—labeled ‘agricultural metal’ and all sorts of derogatory terms. People like us, the artsy youth, have a keener aesthetic sense than the average working class, knowing what’s good and what’s not, but often lacking the words to argue our case. So we resorted to mockery and, in the end, even I couldn’t resist the tide of the times and ended up compromising my integrity.”
“Dear listeners, please don’t check my playlist—I absolutely will not admit to ever having sung ‘The Most Dazzling Chinese Style.’ Back in the day, those of us who had lost our integrity gave up on the harsh currents of Western music and sank into Japanese visual kei. I didn’t expect the new generation of keyboard warriors to abandon the delicate freshness and turn to cheesy pop! This is clearly a consequence of spending too much time online.”

Having unloaded this tirade, Hao Yifeng was moved to tears, and the comment section flooded with countless likes and bouquets. Luckily, the music station didn’t have a gifting system; had it been enabled, Hao Yifeng would likely have earned a fortune by now.

“What’s the next song called? ‘Would You Love Me Without Money?’ Ha! Someone like me who doesn’t even lick the lids off yogurt drinks can’t fathom the question of how you’d court someone without money. Looking at the top four songs, three of them have ‘love’ in the title—that’s terrifying. The Chinese pop music scene has clearly reached a point where if you’re not hooking up, there’s no song to sing. Have those poets who used to write with passion all switched to pop songwriting?”

“Let’s analyze this clickbait title and see just how terrible it is. The melody is simple and monotonous, with a narrow vocal range that’s easy to sing. The first verse is mostly repetitive notes with almost no melody. The chorus seems like it’s sixteen bars but really only consists of four bars! The sixteen bars are just variations on a repeating structure, with the rest being repeated or embellished repetitions. The eighth bar ends on a half cadence with repetitive notes. So essentially, the whole song revolves around just four bars. For several minutes, it drills a simple pentatonic scale into your head—you’ll remember it whether you want to or not!”

“Behind every pop song is a powerful commercial engine pushing it so hard that you don’t even realize you’re being marketed to. Once it sweeps the nation, it becomes ‘truth’—a lie repeated a thousand times. Many who lack discernment and aesthetic sense even deliberately listen just to avoid being ‘outdated.’”

“Although ‘Would You Love Me Without Money?’ may be widely circulated, it holds no artistic value whatsoever. It’s like how many people drank Sanlu milk powder before the scandal.”

“Hearing these four songs, many of us with refined tastes can only laugh, but I find it tragic. Chinese pop music has become hopelessly vulgar! I don’t want to be a harsh critic, but if you ask why I’m so serious about condemning these songs, it’s because I love Chinese music deeply.”

At this moment, Hao Yifeng’s music station had over a million listeners tuning in. The comment section scrolled so rapidly it was nearly impossible to read, mostly filled with likes or supportive bouquets.

Hao Yifeng glanced at the six songs at the bottom of the chart, then took the mic and said, “Honestly, for these last few songs, I don’t think it’s worth listening any further. It would only pollute everyone’s ears. Our review session is almost over. How about we let the listeners choose the next songs? Then we can move into the song request and confession segment. What do you think?”

Seeing the flood of “no” responses demanding more song critiques, Hao Yifeng, noting the record-breaking one million-plus listeners, pondered briefly and then said, “Since everyone wants to hear more of these terrible songs, let’s see just how bad Chinese music can get! Let’s listen to the very worst song on the chart.”

He immediately clicked to the last page. The entire original music chart had over a thousand pages, fifty songs per page, revealing how many people upload original music daily.

Turning to the last page, only five or six songs remained.

Hao Yifeng first read the song title: “Sunny Day,” then glanced at the artist’s name: a‘sposon. Smiling, he said, “My English isn’t great; can anyone help me translate this foreign friend’s name? It’s a blessing in disguise—here we have a Chinese musician uploading original works, yet he gave himself an English name. Truly ungrateful. Just based on this artist’s name, it’s impossible for this song not to be the worst.”

Meanwhile, the comment section exploded with English speakers flooding the chat, saying the name should be read as “Jie’s Poison.”

Hao Yifeng chuckled, “I suppose this foreigner is self-aware, knowing full well his music is poison. No wonder no one listens. He’s plainly telling you it’s poison, and yet you still want to hear it? Are you stupid? Oh, I just insulted myself. Now, everyone, let’s be fools together and listen to this ‘Sunny Day.’”

He clicked to play a preview, then a prompt appeared: “This song requires a 5 yuan fee for preview. Continue? Confirming will deduct 5 yuan or 6 coins from your account.”

Picking up the mic, Hao Yifeng said, “This foreigner must be a scammer. Charging five yuan just to preview one song? Even the latest single from the legendary Zhang Xueyu only costs five yuan to download. Charging five yuan for a preview? Crazy money-grubbing!”

The comment section filled with accusations of shamelessness and scamming.

Hao Yifeng then checked the second-to-last song, also by a‘sposon, also titled “Sunny Day.” He couldn’t help but laugh and said, “The second-to-last song is by the same foreign guy. This person’s Chinese must be terrible—two songs with the same name just to scam money. I’m speechless.”

He looked at the third and fourth from the bottom: all songs by this foreign artist. His interest vanished completely. He was convinced this was a bored scammer. Some newcomers set their preview fees at fifty cents; many people thought fifty cents wasn’t much and would preview if the title intrigued them. Even if they couldn’t endure it, many were tricked, and after a few months, they could easily pocket a few thousand yuan.

Listeners eventually caught on: any newcomer’s song with a paid preview was labeled a scam. This foreign artist not only charged a hefty preview fee but demanded five yuan, clearly aiming to fleece as many as possible.

Hao Yifeng flipped to the penultimate page and finally found a song not by a‘sposon. He clicked play and said, “You can insult my ears, but don’t insult my intelligence, okay? It’s not that Brother Five Yuan can’t afford it, but we absolutely cannot allow these scammers to take a single cent from us Chinese. Now, let’s listen to this song called ‘I Was Drugged By Love.’ After this, we’ll move into the listener song request segment.”

Hao Yifeng barely made it through four lines before lowering the volume. “I haven’t even insulted this song yet. The singer’s poor performance might be forgivable; the bad songwriting, maybe too; but the recording quality is unbearable. I have no idea what he’s singing about. This is a childish and shoddily made song that shatters my bottom line again. Though, to be fair, it’s more sincere than that scammer foreigner. I won’t play the whole thing. If I keep listening, I fear I might have a nervous breakdown. Now, I’m going to select four listeners who left comments earlier. If I pick you, I’ll message you, and you can tell me what song you want to request and what you want to say. Confessions to girls or to buddies are both fine—just don’t confess to me, alright? I’m already taken! Please wait a moment while I choose the lucky listeners.”

The first was a user named Little Carrot Head, the second was Wind Blowing Skirt, the third Dream Flying High, and the fourth Lonely City. Hao Yifeng called on these four to prepare their song requests and messages as he reached out to them.